Why do presumably good women cheat in a relationship? What tips the scales so that a girl freely gives her body to another man? Have you ever wondered why a girl will cheat on a seemingly happy, stable and fun relationship with a nice man?
So have I.
Before I really learned an in-depth understanding of human nature, dating, Alpha, and sexual attraction triggers, I did have several girlfriends physically cheat on me. Since learning the dynamics of female nature, it happens a lot less; however, it still does happen. Depending on how you want to define emotional cheating, I found most girls do this in some form… you know, he is just a friend.
Emotionally cheating is usually a defense mechanism a girl uses to keep a backup man in orbit just in case something goes wrong with the current relationship.
My view is not that of a “Lab coat in a white room” doctorate study, nor is it based on a bunch of theory. My view is based on the several hundred women that have slept with me that either had 1) A husband 2) a fiancé 3) a boyfriend. Since I tend to focus conversations away from other men or relationships, at least 90% of these women had sex with me before disclosing they had the significant other. Many of the girls had no desire to leave or break up with the significant other, since they valued the emotional connection, or the resources the man provided. Yes, this included girls that still wanted to keep fucking me, while living, loving and enjoying the resources of the other man.
And my mom wonders why I haven’t remarried….
To be fair, there have been a small sliver of women that felt the chemistry and attraction growing with me, realized they were in a danger zone, and pulled away. They left the bar, room, interaction, etc. fast since they could feel the desire and danger building in them.
I appreciate these girls more than they will ever know.
One of the things most men don’t realize is girls have a different set of internal standards for cheating. Most men I know would feel that a romantic kiss to another person would be cheating. I have known many women that felt as long as they didn’t take the guy’s penis inside there vagina, they didn’t cheat. Some of these were women that would lovingly do anal or blowjobs and still not consider it cheating. In their mind, those acts were not as intimate as vaginal sex, hence, not cheating.
For this topic, let’s limit our view on cheating to actually having some type of physical sexual contact while in a stated and committed relationship with another man. So kissing romantically, fondling, anal, blowjobs and of course vaginal sex are all considered cheating.
My rule of thumb is… if it’s not something my girl would do while I am in front of them, it’s probably cheating. And that goes for both the man and the woman.
So Why Do Girls Cheat?
I have found 3 primary triggers for a female cheating. These three factors are interrelated, and the more of these three factors that influence the girl at the same time, the more likely she is to cheat.
Girl Feels Incredible Sexual Attraction
Most of my training for men is learning how to trigger sexual attraction in females. Girls are extremely emotional, and as emotional beings, they will do whatever they feel. If a girl feels enough attraction for you, she will have sex with you. Period.
Some girls, when they start to feel this sexual attraction will remove themselves from the situation. Most girls like the feelings of lust and raw sexual attraction since it is rare a man really understands how to trigger these feelings in a woman. If a man can trigger deep sexual attraction in her, then she will look for ways to either remove herself, of more likely, justify the interaction.
If you make a girl feel extreme sexual attraction, she will do just about anything in the world to be with you. She will leave her husband, leave her kids, sacrifice her job, ignore her friends, disown her family and even break the law to be with you.
You can see this every day with women that pursue, chase and sleep with thugs, criminals and men that beat them (just to name a few).
This was the hardest thing in the world for me to accept when I started learning the truth about female nature. When I was a millionaire, my ex-wife left me to sleep with a broke bartender. My last girlfriend slept with a cook that worked for her after we broke up – the inside joke with her and her friends is she always goes after the douche-bag. While this girl constantly pestered me about getting married and having a baby, the next guy she slept with would have been a horrible life choice for both. Many of the girls that I have had a relationship with have dated down after the relationship ended. How much attraction she feels cuts through everything else. You don’t have to meet her checklist of demands or her life goals – just make her feel sexual attraction.
If another man makes her feel more sexual attraction than you do, she is likely to cheat. Sometimes these rendezvous are her feeling sexual attraction, cheating, then deciding the man does not actually have more total sexual market value (as in emotional connection, attraction and resources) than her current partner. She may stay in the relationship for the other perks her partner brings, but the cheating is for the sexual attraction.
Sexual attraction is weighed against the other two traits, but I believe that a woman placed in a situation where her significant other will never find out about her infidelity is likely to cheat if she feels enough sexual attraction. This is one reason why girls on vacations, hanging out with male friends, and girl’s night out are most commonly associated with the beginnings of her cheating romance.
A Change In Sexual Market Value
Females are typically hypergamous in nature. Hypergamy is defined as “a term used in social science for the act or practice of a person marrying another of higher caste or social status than themselves. The antonym “hypogamy” refers to the inverse: marrying a person of lower social class or status.” – Hypergamy WIKI
I take this definition a bit further – women will always trade for “more” sexual attraction. Sometimes this is attitude, other times it is resources. This is also known as the “Bigger, better deal”. Some women will cheat and sleep with other men simply for the resource he is willing to give her.
In my life I have social circles of men with money. Business owners, CEO’s and executives that have a lot of financial resources. I am typically one of these men. In addition to this, I have dated hundreds of waitresses from the “breastaurant” type establishment – you know, Hooters, Twin Peaks, Bone Daddy’s, etc. I have seen and heard from the women I have dated about the men that throw money at them.
I have seen men buy these girls cars, apartments, houses, clothes, jewelry and most commonly, fun trips. You know those trips where your girlfriend says she is just going to the lake or Vegas, or the beach with “girl” friends? Many of those trips were paid for and set up by these wealthier men. They take the girls out, buy them expensive things or experiences, and end up sleeping with the girl, regardless of her committed relationship status.
There have been a few girls that have taken these tokens and not slept with the guy. I have witnessed that dynamic a few times. But usually, if the guy has these types of financial resources and is willing to throw it a girl, he also has enough confidence and masculinity to spark sexual attraction. These guys can rarely keep the girl romantically interested (sounds just like the old me), but they can sleep with a lot of girls this way. These men have literally paid for their perceived view in Sexual Market Place value.
This also holds true if either of the committed partners has a perceived change in sexual market value.
Think about it this way – you and your girl are in a relationship. All of a sudden she pays for some minor plastic surgery, hits the gym and loses that 10 extra pounds she carried and got a set of nice new double D tits. Let’s say on average she just went from a solid 7 to an 8.5.
Random men are going to increase how much attention they show her. She is going to feel her sexual market value has just increased from the increase in men showing her attention. If her boyfriend is not also increasing his perceived value, or she feels she is now above him, she is going to look to replace him – as in hypergamy.
This change in sexual market value is going to open her up to exploring new opportunities. That is to say, her attraction for you will lower; making it easier for another man to make her feel more sexual attraction than her committed partner is making her feel. In this case she is likely to cheat and then leave you.
Sometimes she will leave you (the committed man) and THEN sleep with the new guy if she has even a shred of ethical morals. Most women will try out the new guy first, and then dump your ass. It’s just the way most people are.
This perceived change in sexual market value can also happen if the man drops in his sexual market value.
If you put your woman first, drop your hobbies, stop focusing on your mission or career, stop working out and basically get comfortable with her, she will likely feel your sexual market value declining. This has the same effect as if her sexual market value went up making it much easier for her to open up and feel the sexual attraction of another man.
I have personally lived this one several occasions. Before I learned all I know about sexual dynamics, I did go from being the in shape, successful bad boy, to the out of shape boring husband. It cost me my wife and at least 2 girlfriends.
I also experienced this with my severe injury, and it wasn’t till I started building my strength back that my attractiveness went back up. Women hate weakness – even if they do feel sorry for you.
Lack of Ethical Standards
Let’s face it, most people, men and women, have ethical standards that are rather fluid. The same woman that says she will never cheat is the same girl you find out has cheated on many of her boyfriends in college. The girl that says she will never share her lover or have a threesome was filmed having sex with 3 guys at a party. The same girl that says she will not have a one-night-stand has had a dozen of them.
I have seen it all.
Many men and women learn their morals and ethics from their parents. If a girl grew up without a father, or if her mother was a partier that also left and/or cheated on her husband/committed partner, she likely learned that this behavior is normal and okay. This is how she will live her life. It is her default defensive mechanism to protect her ego. Better to screw you over than be hurt herself.
Women are emotional creatures. In one moment they can tell you how much they love you, and 30 seconds later she can be giving another guy a blow job. It just depends on how she feels. Make a girl feel sexual attraction and she is going to feel sexual attraction – and want to act on it. Add in the logistics and most girls are ready to go. Only those with high ethical standards that also place value on loyalty will refrain.
With that, most women do not place the same value on loyalty that most men do. They say they do, but what they usually mean is loyalty to them. The same girl that says she doesn’t want you texting other girls, is going to text other men. The girl that doesn’t want you to go hang out with your female friends has no problem hanging out for drinks with her male friends. Are you starting to see the pattern yet?
I always watch what a girl does more than I listen to what she says. The proof is in her actions.
I have known girls that did place a lot of value on loyalty, but these women are rare. I typically date extremely hot girls, and most of these women are insecure – more so than their more homely counterparts. The more insecure the women, the more fluid her ethics will be.
Said quite simply, if she feels it is in her best interest to cheat (for love, romance, resources or even adventure) she will.
Now, I am not saying these are bad people – many men have the same damn issues. I am just pointing out some simple dynamics.
Seeing a girl’s ethics and morals is sometimes rather difficult and usually requires relationship time and seeing them tested in different situations. I have seen a pattern with women though… if she has cheated, she will cheat in the future.
Every girl that cheated on another man with me, eventually either cheated on me, or another man. People can change, but very few people ever put in the amount of work it takes to really change. Most people either become a better version of themselves or they learn to hide their nature from potential mates.
Devious women are usually cheaters as well. Women that you catch in lots of little white lies, that don’t want you to text other women, but they still text other men, girls that talk to lots of people on social media but hide it are usually prone to cheating. It is their default since they typically are insecure and believe their partner will cheat as well. They still have to feel sexual attraction for the other guy, but they are more likely to cheat than the girl that does not do these things.
On last thought on ethics being fluid… I have seen a girls that will not cheat around their circle of influence (friends, family, work, etc.) that will cheat when the sexual attraction was high and the odds of getting caught were very low.
I have traveled a lot, and many of the women I have slept with that had a committed relationship also were traveling. The less likely they are to get caught, the more fluid their ethics or code of morals comes into play. Like most people, the aspect of group shaming is what enforces the code of ethics. No one wants to be shunned by their peer group for cheating and breaking up a good relationship – however, remove the peer group and make the odds very low than anyone will ever find out, and girls with fluid ethics will find their justification for not cheating almost disappear.
As a brief example, women slut shame other women more than men slut shame women. It is the peer group and potential shame from other women that keep some women in check. Remove this potential shame, and the likelihood of cheating goes up for many women.
How To Lower The Odds Of Your Girl Cheating?
In reading this, some men will see the path to getting a girl to cheat. Personally, I don’t go out of my way to get a girl to cheat – too many women in the world, and I really don’t want the drama of a cheating girl (remember – most women that had committed relationships failed to tell me about these other men till after we had sex). But if you are a guy that has his penis set on one girl that already has a man, you now know the buttons to push to get her to cheat.
Personally, cheating on me is about the worst thing you can do to me. Whether it is emotional cheating, or the physical cheating discussed here. These are my personal steps to keeping the girls I am with not only attracted to me, but less likely to cheat. All of these are factors that increase the sexual market value of a man.
1) Continuously amp your masculine energy.
I teach a lot about this. Don’t be needy, insecure, weak, whiny or a wussy. Always try to be confident, playful, sexually attractive (as in verbally creating sexual tension) and focused on your goal (mission and business). The higher your masculine energy, the more she will be attracted to you. The lower your masculine energy, the more likely she is to leave you or cheat.
2) Constantly improve your overall fitness level.
Your looks, health, overall strength and endurance will impact how she sees you. The guy that can have sex with her for an hour is going to be a lot more attractive than the guy that gets tired after 5 minutes. Trust me on this. After my accident I was worthless for months. So always focus on building a healthier and better body.
3) Treat all women the same.
That is to say, flirt, tease, be playful and talk to everyone. If she constantly sees other girls positively interacting with you it increases your perceived marketplace value. No girl wants to be with the guy that no other girl wants – they all want to be with the Alpha that already has lots of women. Think of yourself as the sexiest and most fun man alive, and then radiate that.
Now, I didn’t say pick up, or cheat with these other women, but keep your flirting and attraction skills honed. The more she believes she can be easily replaced, the less likely she is to ever stray.
4) Never chase a girl.
Sure in the beginning you must court her. But once she falls for you, she should do 90% of the initiating contact. She should text you first most of the time. She should call you first most of the time. She should be chasing you. It is very hard for a girl to reject the man she is chasing, and that goes for cheating. If she is chasing you, she doesn’t really have time to be chasing another man.
This also coincides with being a challenge. Men that have a busy life and full calendar don’t have time to chase women. Even men in committed relationships don’t have time to chase their long term partner. Any man that understands women will naturally be a challenge, mysterious, and fearless (as in not worried about what she is going to do).
5) Have Fun
After the courtship and seduction, your role as a man is to be masculine and have fun. Never take her too seriously. In most day-to-day interactions you want to be playful and teasing. Love is supposed to be fun. You simply need to have fun with her, spend time with her, and create an atmosphere for sex to happen naturally. You do these things, and she will fall deeply in love with you and always be chasing you.
Every single time I have been dumped or cheated on, I failed to follow these 5 steps. Every single time.